Don't you dare pity me

There are a few places on the internet that are supposed to be completely my space.  Where I can post what I want, pictures, words or nothing at all. But all the places I have to do these things at, are there at the whim of another entity.  Be it a person, or a business, who are in turn there at the whim of a hosting company.  So I often post a lot of the same thing on my various places to post, so that my words, my visual history, my story remains somewhere to be seen by others.  It's my legacy not only to myself, but to those that may learn something from my experiences. Who will see through photos, the love I have for my family, or the fun I have with friends and mutual acquaintances. 

I have days, sometimes weeks where I'm down and depressed and wonder how I can continue living the life that has been dealt to me.  I've been told my whole life not to bottle those feelings up, let them out, share them.  Even if no one has advice that they can give or that I can use, at least I'm not keeping it inside me.  I'm a talker once you get me started, I'll tell you anything because I have very little to hide.  Maybe I'll just ramble about things that to me are completely unimportant but will stick with someone else as a lesson they take home with them.  Or I'll ramble about things that are highly important, things someone else will never be touched by in their life, but will take away with them that these are the kind of things that happen to people they know.  That 'it happened to someone else' is a lot closer to home than they realized.

What looks to other people like someone just spilling their whole private life which is no one else's business, is just me trying to educate everyone who takes the time to read what I have to say, that if these things can happen to me, someone you know, or have come to know over the course of a couple of years, it can happen to anyone.

Birth is a gamble. You come into this world not knowing what your life will be, to a mother and a father you don't know, who don't know you.  You become part of a family and you are raised and taught a certain way.  Then you grow up and go out into life. You take what you learned growing up and it either helps you along the way, or it defeats you. Every morning you wake up to a new day, to make it anything you want, but it's also a risk.  Another gamble, depending on the odds set by the rest of the gamblers that woke up that morning.  Some days things will be good and others not so good.  But those that are stubborn enough to stick with it, make it through each day.   That is me.  I'll stick through each day no matter how bad it gets.  I'll come here, or to one of the other forums, my blogs, where ever the mood strikes me and I'll choose to relate something from my day or my past.  To get it off of my chest or to just share something good that happened.  I'm going to spend my day rolling dice, and sometimes it is going to come up craps. And you might hear about it.

But please, NEVER, EVER think I post the things I do for pity, or for anyone to feel sorry for me.  I feel sorry enough for myself, and it never feels all that good.  Just take what I say here and where ever else you read it, and think for a minute how lucky you are to have what you have at the moment, because in a flash, your whole world can change, and it may not be so easy to get it back together again.  Then during the day, smile at the small stuff, because when you get down to almost nothing, the small things are so much bigger than they used to be and so much more important.  We all take life for granted, forgetting the risk.  We overlook the little things and shoot for the big things.  I'm sure you know what I mean.  I notice the little things now, it doesn't take much to make me appreciate it.  I appreciate being able to go to the places online and know that people read what I have to say.  Even when you all say nothing back. Try and take something positive with you when you close my posts.

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