I'm a poor person

I came to Panera Bread today for a meeting with a new client to discuss his website.  I walked in the door with about three dollars left in my Paypal account, and I brought my own coffee cup filled with coffee from home.  The reason I was able to make coffee at home is because a friend gave me enough unused grounds to get to me through the week. I'll be leaving Panera Bread today $45 richer than when I walked in. I will have eaten a large cinnamin roll, and purchased a cup of coffee, because I most certainly didn't want to steal any when my cup was empty.  This will be my splurge for the day.

I started working on a project that I was assigned a little while ago, and decided to run out and smoke a cigarette from a pack that another friend had bought for me.  While I was sitting in my van, that has gas in it because my daughter wanted to borrow it last night, smoking the cigarette that a friend bought, I saw a dirty, disheveled man walk up to the trash can.  As I sat there watching him, I saw that he was picking through the cigarette butts that had been left in the ashtray that is built into the trash can.  I found this to be a little sad, and wondered if he did the same thing when he was hungry.  I wondered if he was homeless.  Then I thought about myself, sitting in my own home, digging through my own ashtray earlier this week because I wanted a cigarette and had none, since I had chosen to buy that gallon of kerosene to keep the kids warm instead of wasting it on a pack of cigarettes.  I wished that there was something I could do for that man who wasn't asking for anything.  I wished I could give him some of the money that I now had in my pocket, but I still had to buy food for my kids for the next couple of days, I still needed to buy kerosene to last until Saturday, I still needed to put gas in my van so that I can drive the kids to school for another day, and be able to get to any work I may have over th next few days.   And yes, after all that is taken care of, if I have enough left over, I will probably buy myself a pack of cigarettes. $45 doesn't last long, and doesn't cover much any more.  Now I feel guilty I bought myself a cinnamon roll and a cup of coffee. I had already bought it before I saw this fella that looks homeless, and obviously poor.  I reached into my cigarettes and pulled a few out....I got out of my van and called the guy over, and handed them to him.  I said, "here, they are menthol, but have some whole ones."  It probably wasn't a good choice to make, but that's what it looked to me like the guy wanted.  Being a smoker I know how frustrating it can be to feel the urge to smoke and not be able to.  I'll be feeling that again myself soon, as I will now run out sooner than I had anticipated, by sharing what I had with him.

I'll go home and I'll look at myself in the mirror, chastise myself for not doing more for the guy, then I will have a reality check, and remind myself, that the only difference between myself and that guy is probably I have a set of keys that say I still have a home and transportation.  There are days I go without food, without comfortable heat, and without being able to indulge in my one nasty habit.  Because I too am a poor person.  I want to be one of my friends, I want to be all of my friends.  I want to be someone that has something to give, and I want to be the one that can give to those who need, the same as so many of my friends have done for me.   Give me time, I'll get past being poor, and if I see that man again, or one that looks like him...it will be more than just a few cigarettes that I choose to share with him.