Laughter is Good Medicine - Make me Laugh, earn points [POINTS BATTLE]

	One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

A man walks into a doctors office with a banana in his nose  a cucumber in his right ear and a tomato in his left ear. Whats wrong with me Doc the man asks? The Dr. replies "your not eating properly".

A man walks into a Doctors office and says "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam whats wrong with me Doc?" The Dr. say your two tents!

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
Mitch Hedberg

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
Dennis Miller

David and Bernice had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"

"Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously.

Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."

The man tells Al, one of his workers, that he will name the resaurant after the first thing Al sees when he goes out the door.

Al walks outside and the first thing he saw was a girl named Lucy and he saw her legs. He told the man, and so the restaurant was named Lucy's Legs. The man was so impressed that he said the next day Al could get a free drink.

The next day Al comes a bit early and a policeman walks by and notices Al waiting there. The policeman asks, "What are you doing?"

Al says, "I'm waiting for Lucy's legs to open so I can get a drink."

i'm about a year late on this it seems, but it's still funny...