the cycle of abuse

As most of you know, I am taking Criminal Justice classes at Ivy Tech and want to continue my studies at Indiana State or Ball State.  I want to work with abused and battered women, as I know from experience what they go thru.  Everyday abuse, whether it be physical, verbal, or emotional can take it's toll on someone.  This also includes children.  The biggest question that most victims have..is..Where to go and who to tell?  If a woman goes to a family member...are they going to believe her..especially with verbal abuse as there are no physical marks to prove it happens.  What about the child who goes to a school counselor and says their mom or dad is abusing them?  The counselor then has a conference with the parent and of course they deny everything the child has said.  When that child gets home from school....does the abuser than give the child more abuse for telling and almost getting them caught?  It is a vicious cycle and somewhere...someone...has to say enough and believe these kids and not take the parents word for it.  How can we as a society stop the cycle?  Parenting classes do not seem to work the way they were meant to work....a lot of the times...it is only one child of the family that is abused while the others are not.  If the ones that are not abused tells someone...does that make it worse for them at home when the parent finds out that they told?  Most women are not believed until the man beats them so bad they are either put in the hospital or they are dead....then friends and family say..Why didn't we see it?

Sometimes though the women do not know where to turn.  That was the situation in my case.  I thought that because it was not physical abuse that nobody would believe me.  I had no physical injuries...just injuries to my self asteem and emotions.  I cringed when someone wanted to hug me...believed I was fat and ugly, stupid, would never amount to anything. I was a bad mother, I didn't clean house right, I couldn't cook a decent meal, I was never allowed to have friends and had to lie to him when I wanted to see my parents.  I had to tell him I was going somewhere else.  I was not allowed to go anywhere without taking my kids along.  I wanted to go to college so that I could be an accountant...I always loved math and was good at it. I enrolled at Ivy Tech back in the 1980's, but my ex told me that I was too stupid to go to college...I believed him..so I didn't go.  Well now that I am in college...guess what...I can't be as stupid as he said I was because I have a 3.9 GPA and have been on the Dean's List 4 semesters in a row now. I lived this way for almost 16 years until one day I realized that I could get out.  I did and am so much happier because of it.  Today, my kids ask me why I stayed so long.  They understand now and can see what I went thru. I am happily married to my second husband and have been for 10 years now.  He is a hugger..constantly telling me he loves me....wants kisses all the time....it isn't always easy.....I revert back to the years of being told how bad I am....but my hubby today tells me all the time that I am smart and I can do anything I want.  I thank God for him....

I know this is long, but I just wanted people to know where I stand on abuse...whether it be women, children or men.  Yes men get abused too.  I just want to have a place where anyone can go and they will be safe from their abuser.....without any questions.  This is my goal...a far fetched goal that right now is just a dream of mine.....but hey...without dreams I wouldn't be where I am today.