Scraps from my Table: Oscar the Cat O Death

<p><em><strong>By &quot;Mayor Buckwheat&quot;</strong></em><br />
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<strong> Cat-O-Death</strong><br />
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News of Oscar, The Cat-O-Death, quickly quickly traveled to Andersonia last Thursday. The Acting Mayor immediately tore himself away from his &quot;Mirror-Mirror-On-The-Wall&quot; routine to call for Oscar to be brought to him to predict his political lifespan.<br />
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As he made his way into Andersonia, Oscar made time to curl up on Ty Bibbs' hopes of ever holding any political office. Once inside City Hall, Oscar made an arduous stop and go journey through the city offices. Frank Burrows commented, &quot;It was so sad. It seemed like the poor lil' feller was confused. He just kept curling up on people&quot;.<br />
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After arriving on the 5Th floor of City Hall, Oscar darted quickly to Acting Mayor Kevin Smith's lap and refused to budge. As he ordered Animal Control to take Oscar and a sizable bag of stones to White River, Smith's campaign committee gathered outside his office, shaken.<br />
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IBO Comes To Andersonia<br />
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The City of Andersonia is proud to host the 1st Annual Irritable Bowel Olympics, which will bring up to 2000 sufferer/survivors to the city, along with their families. Competitors from all across the globe are expected to compete in a wide variety of events such as the Toilet Bowl Fill, Three Meter Squirts, and the Dookie on a Spoon 100 Meter Relay.<br />
Tony Girt prepares his entry for the Does A Bear Sh*t In The Woods event<br />
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Veteran Convention and Visitor Bureau Director Ralph Day commented that he was able to persuade the City to have extensive additional security measures in place for the event. Day said, &quot;With a group this large and this explosive, the City will need all the help it can get to make sure things flow smoothly and without violent outbursts&quot;.<br />
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The Annexation Express<br />
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Kevin Smth's annexation forces, having recently been driven from Richland Township, have been seen making their way south toward Lapel. Looking slightly battered but equipped with 2ND generation 125 MM TIF cannons the Acting Mayor led his battle weary troops into combat.<br />
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It has been reported that Field Marshall Art Pepelea was wounded in combat and is not expected to make it through the November campaign. General der Infanterie Stapleton is still hospitalized and recovering from injuries sustained in last year's anti-smoking campaign.<br />
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Store Clerk In a Bubble<br />
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Mayor Smith revealed plans for a new crime prevention strategy today with a showy press conference in downtown Andersonia, where he encased several City employees in individually fitted bulletproof bio-domes. &quot;I don't know why there was such a to-do about that convenience store with the Moos-limb feller and his fancy plastic cage. You can be sure he's not going to be the victim of Andersonia's rising crime rates. Seems to me this is a way to kill every bird we have with one little stone&quot;.<br />
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The impenetrable domes will be developed and manufactured by out of work ex-automakers and will ultimately allow the dismissal of 80% of Andersonia's police force. The savings will be passed on to the taxpayers, or, perhaps, to fund additional Smith Administration trade missions.<br />
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Letters to Buckwheat<br />
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BW, Get 15 of today's hottest ring tones absolutely free. Just bring this incredible offer to my 5Th floor office. K.S. Andersonia<br />
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Sometimes your facts and observations are so on target I find myself looking at fellow employees wondering if they are the real BuckWheat. Whoever you are keep it up, you are our only voice! RC-Andersonia<br />
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<font size="2">Archives are available at <a href="http://mayorbuckwheat.blogspot.com/">the blog</a>.</font></p>
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The views expressed in this newsletter do not necessarily reflect those of the Smith Administration.... but are pretty damn close. Please feel free to forward this letter to anyone that may be interested. I can be reached at <a href="mailto:Waynelafear@yahoo.com">Waynelafear@yahoo.com</a>. Mr. Lafear will make certain that I get your message. Any and all mail directed my way will be held in the strictest confidence. Until next week.......BW OVER AND OUT!</p>