Scraps From My Table: So You Wanna Be Acting Mayor?
[editor's note, by kpaul] This is an excerpt (reprinted with permission) of a newsletter (subscribe here) by "Mayor Buck Wheat" (a member of the Herald Bulletin forums) concerning Anderson, Indiana (aka Andersonia) Archives are available at the blog. The views expressed in the newsletter do not necessarily reflect the views of Anderson Free Press.
So You Wanna Be Acting Mayor?A brand new contest! Let's say you could be sworn in as Mayor of Andersonia for one day. What would you like to accomplish? Give Greg Winkler a wedgie? Duct tape Rob Sparks to the Crystal Arch? Plunder a city owned building? The winning entry will appear in next week's newsletter. The judges decision is final although attempted bribes are encouraged.
Remember... this is the Mayor of Andersonia, not Miss America. So please don't promise to end world hunger, promote international peace or do anything else on a global scale.
Send me an e-mail with a short list of things you would do as acting mayor and you could be our next Grand Prize Winner!
Acting Mayor Smith Plants Mary Starkey Like A Potato
This past week has been full of surprises on the economic development front. One of the more astonishing events occurred when CED Director Mary Starkey resigned unexpectedly. Economic Development guru Greg Winkler was quick to praise Starkey as a big help to him in landing Nestle in Andersonia. "I think she may have been bitter about her making less money in her 20 year career with CED than I made in my 3 years with the City of Andersonia".
Acting Mayor Smith was slightly less vocal in his reaction. In this photo he is seen planting what looks to be a start off of a mature Starkey plant. It is rumored that the acting mayor would also like to plant Ralph Day and Keith Pitcher seedlings as well. The acting mayor applied an organic fertilizer immediately after the planting.
Forecasters Predict Lower Than Expected Copper Yield
State forecasters at the Indiana Mineral Aggregates Association predicted lower than expected totals for the second quarter copper harvest in Central Indiana. Unexpected publicity in the Andersonia Herald Bulletin is said to be contributing factor in the sluggish production. Acting Mayor Smith called the lagging copper production a "win/win/win setback".
According to one unnamed spokesman, "We see this trend as an overall positive. We had already planned to move our operation out of that incubator thingie and to an out of state facility a little closer to our target market."
Mitch Ditches Smith
Governor Mitch Daniels recently returned from a economic development trip to Europe to promote Indiana business opportunities. The trip was notable in that Acting Mayor Kevin Smith was excluded from the trip after it was learned Smith failed the pre-trip polygraph test shown in this photo.
Daniels said, "There were questions raised by the polygraph about Smith possibly taking some extra soap, shower caps, and hotel stationary when he was in China. My team just couldn't afford that sort of publicity".
Acting Mayor Smith was visibly upset, but noted, "I don't know where Mitch gets off all high and mighty. I saw him stuff a whole hand full of mints in his pocket at Cracker Barrel".
Letters to Buckwheat
May I please be added to the mailing list for your newsletter? My husband Diego gets it at work, swears he'll forward it home, then doesn't. Then, he'll try to describe things in the newsletter, but make everything decidedly un-funny.
"So, there's this picture of this kitten, and it's got this gun and ... remember me telling you about Ollie and the streetlights...and so, then, the kitten is Ollie and the caption says something like.... (laughter) wait a minute... says something like... (laughter) wait..."
Save my marriage and add me to the list, because I can't afford the house on my own. Kitty Lou Mancini, Andersonia
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The views expressed in this newsletter (subscribe here) do not necessarily reflect those of the Smith Administration [ed note: or Muncie Free Press]....but are pretty damn close. Please feel free to forward this letter to anyone that may be interested. I can be reached at Waynelafear@yahoo.com. Mr. Lafear will make certain that I get your message. Any and all mail directed my way will be held in the strictest confidence. Until next week... ....BW OVER AND OUT!
