(Another Blog entry that has been posted across several sites so that I can share this with everyone I interact with.)
There are times when you do something you know you shouldn't have done,
or that maybe you could have done in a different way. Once it's done,
how do you take it back or make it better? A lot of times you can't
and you ruin a relationship you have had with a family member or a
friend. Which I find to be very sad. I've heard it said that there is
nothing that love can't fix, and I don't think that extends to just
romantic love. But the love you have for people you just genuinely
care about. Sometimes the things that hurt aren't done by yourself, but
someone to you. And you hold onto that hurt and close yourself off
from that person. That has usually been my solution. For if I don't
associate with them, then I don't get my feelings hurt anymore. I never
feel it's my place to extend the olive branch when I'm the one that has
been offended or hurt. But I do believe if I have hurt someone, I
should make every effort to explain why I said or did whatever it was
that hurt the other person.
In my life, I've had this happen
to me 3 times. Once I was the offender and never even realized it. It
was many months before I found out why my bestfriend and sister
wouldn't even attempt to speak to me. It was over a single word. She
had a baby, and I didn't know if the baby was a girl or boy, and I
called the baby "it". At least that's what I remember. I don't even
know what the rest of the whole thing was about, but trust me.... my
sister will be along shortly to remind me. LOL
Family is easier
to eventually fix, friends are not. Friends are under no obligation to
remain your friends, ever. Which probably makes losing their trust and
friendship so much worse. At least with family you know that as long
as there are get togethers you have an opportunity to try to make
things right. Friends on the other hand, can go out of their way to
avoid you for the rest of their lives and be very successful at it.
I
had a friend that lived in another state, we were very close, probably
too close for never having met one another face to face. We had
formed an encounter group, built a website together and were cofounders
working very closely on the development of the group and site.
Somewhere along the line, we had a small falling out that grew to an
exaggerated state. My feelings were hurt terribly and I couldn't see
myself working with her on this project any longer. Some trust had been
lost and without that, you can't really have a relationship that is
productive. I tuned her out for 8 months. Then one day I received an
email from her. All my anger and hurt resurfaced and I didn't know how
to respond to the email so I didn't. A few weeks later I got another
email. This one was an apology, an explanation and a request to at
least talk about things. After a couple of days of thought, I
responded. My response was curt and to the point. I would talk to
her. It's probably the best choice I could have made. It took some
time, but before long we were nearly back to the closeness that we once
shared. Eventually it was completely in the past and we were able to
share and trust as we had before.
Holding on to hard
feelings, is not a good thing. Letting go of the past and moving
forward, being honest with yourself and others, and accepting the olive
branch at least once, giving a friend or family member a chance to
regain your trust, or giving it to hope to regain theirs, can make for
a much better state of mind for yourself. To know that at the end of
the day you tried to make mental life better for yourself and someone
you care about, leaves you with no regrets. But living with hurt, that
just....hurts.
Women train, men adapt. Isn't it the best of both worlds? ;)
To move on with your life,
To move on with your life, you need traction. If you are holding onto something in the past, be it hurt or something else, you are not moving forward. You have lost traction. Many people think they can "move on with life", but if they are holding onto a grudge, they cannot move on, no matter what they think. A part of them is staying stuck in the past and holding them back from true forward movement.
It is like attaching a bungee cord to a certain event - at any point you could be snapped back to that past event and have to deal with it all over again. Or you are forced to use that past event as a template to deal with a current event - almost the same thing.
Living life means moving forward, not holding onto a past event. I think that's what forgiving is all about. Forgive doesn't mean forget, though. And that's another topic.
"There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so."
Letting Go To "Let Go" Does
To "Let Go" Does Not Mean To Stop Caring,
It Means I Can't Do It For Someone Else.
To "Let Go" Is Not To Cut Myself Off,
It's The Realization I Can't Control Another.
To "Let Go" Is Not To Enable,
But To Allow Learning From Natural Consequences.
To "Let Go" Is To Admit Powerlessness,
Which Means The Outcome Is Not In My Hands.
To "Let Go" Is Not To Try To Change Or Blame Another,
It Is To Make The Most Of Myself.
To "Let Go" Is Not To Care For,
But To Care About.
To "Let Go" Is Not To Fix,
But To Be Supportive.
To "Let Go" Is Not To Judge,
But To Allow Another To Be A Human Being.
To "Let Go" Is Not To Be In The Middle Arranging All The Outcomes,
But To Allow Others To Affect Their Own Destinies.
To "Let Go" Is Not To Be Protective,
It Is To Permit Another To Face Reality.
To "Let Go" Is Not To Deny,
But To Accept.
To "Let Go" Is Not To Nag, Scold Or Argue,
But Instead To Search Out My Own Shortcomings And Correct Them.
To "Let Go" Is Not To Adjust Everything To My Desires,
But To Take Each Day As It Comes And Cherish Myself In It.
To "Let Go" Is Not To Regret The Past,
But To Grow And Live For The Future.
To "Let Go" Is To Fear Less And Love More.
-- Author Unknown
Embrace the unique combination of colors in every person's rainbow.