I'm a Mother

I think it's safe to say that the majority of women who post on this forum are mothers. And I think it's safe to say that for most of us, it's the most important career we take on in life. We see ourselves doing what we think is best for our children and pretty much tell them they have to live with it. I don't think we ever really take the time to see what kind of mother we are to our children. Not that we don't have relationships with them where they will tell us what they think, especially the younger ones. They don't know they shouldn't tell us certain things, until the first time that they do. I love to see the world through my children's eyes, by how they express their thoughts. But I'm not always happy with the way they see me. Because as far as I am concerned, I'm doing what a mother is supposed to do, and I think that, like it or not, the kids should accept that. One day they will be raising their own children and they can do the best that they think they can do.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. It's a day when we are either praised or ignored for the job we have done all these years. I know that in my 27 years of motherhood, I've made more mistakes than I can count. And those adult children of mine have no qualms in reminding me how they viewed me growing up. I just shake my head and remind them, they made it to adulthood didn't they? I know what I did wrong, and as a mother, you can't fix the things you do wrong. You can only try to be better once you learn your mistakes. I've had a long road of learning. I'm still learning. And so are my girls. And it's finally hit one of them.

Today I started getting my Mother's Day cards. The one I want to talk about was from my 27 year old. If there was a baby in the world that was ever wanted, it was her. From the time I was 17, I knew I wanted a baby, and that it was going to be a girl and what her name was going to be. When I was 19 I brought her into the world. My problems with her started when she was about 3 or 4 weeks old and she managed to kick herself off the couch and land on her head. She began having petite mal seizures and had to go on medication. She was on the medication until she was 5 years old. Once she was off the meds, she had to deal with a divorce from the only man she had known as a father, and then within 6 months deal with a new father......it went up and down from then until I finally allowed her to move out on her own when she was 17 1/2. I won't even go into the grief that girl has given me. But I will say, if I had to do it all over again, knowing that she would do all the things she would do, I wouldn't have it any other way. I think that is what being a mother is all about. Loving your kids....doing the best you can for them, helping them to reach adulthood and being there for them no matter what. Even after they have spread their wings.

I tell this about her because once I read the card she brought to me, and even though I know the words were written by someone else who gets paid to write them....no truer words could ever have been said by either one of us. I saw myself in my daughters eyes today, the way she sees me now, and how she realizes who I really am. I want to share these words from this card, more than anything because these words brought both of us to an understanding of how we both see one another today.

Mom....

I didn't have a clue.

I was so busy being a kid that

I never realized or appreciated

all you did for me

all the time and energy,

the work and prayers,

you devoted to me.

I know at times

I was headstrong,

too quick to talk

and much too sure of myself.

But you loved me nonetheless

and steered me gently

down the right road

with a soft word and a hug,

and with steady discipline

when I needed it.

Today I'm the first one to admit

that I don't know it all.

But I do know one thing for sure -

I couldn't have asked for a better mom.

Well yeah....she could have asked for a better mom, but she was stuck with me. Neither one of us are the greatest, but we are who we are and we both know that we love one another. And in that moment today when I finished my card, and felt the tears welling up, looked up at her and saw her eyes full of tears, heard her ask "Isn't it true." I could only choke and give her a hug....and whisper in her ear "I love you".