Andersonia Mayor Buckwheat: 2003-2007

Buckwheat — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 22:16:26 -0800

My friends,

I wish to take this opportunity to thank the people who participated in the Buckwheat Project. Over the past several months there were a few people who contributed articles to the newsletter. I shall allow them to remain nameless but I must publicly acknowledge them for their help and encouragement. Thank you.

One person in particular was a great source of information and inspiration. Barry Teter was invaluable to this project. He willingly suffered criticism and indignation from those who thought they had me in their cross hairs when targeting Barry. He is my friend.

A special thank you to K. Paul Mallach from the Muncie Free Press and the Anderson Free Press. K. Paul contacted me earlier this year to request permission to publish my newsletter. I was delighted to allow this. He has a vision for grassroots journalism that is both refreshing and exciting. I strongly urge my readers that are interested in current events in Central Indiana to not only visit his sites but to support him financially as well.

Friends, Andersonians, countrymen, lend me your ears;

I come to bury Buckwheat, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones.

So let it be with Buckwheat

William Shakespear

So let us now say good-bye to our gallant friend Buckwheat.

He stood on pinnacles that dissolved into precipice.

He achieved greatly and he suffered deeply, but he never gave up.

Henry Kissinger

Buckwheat's passion was never spent in public display.
He offered his industry and his energies to action,
toward righting ancient and current wrongs in this world.

Maya Angelou

Here Buckwheat lies whom none but Death could Shake,
And here shall lie till judgment all awake,
When the last trumpet doth unclose his eyes,
The wittiest poet in the world shall rise.

Hugh Holland

The Anderson Free Press also has a lively FORUM. It hosts a variety of fun, controversial, enlightening, and screwball characters and topics. Check it out and join. MANY people who are or were members of the old Herald Bulletin Forum now call the Free Press home.

Speaking of the Herald Bulletin Forum, my friend Barry Teter was banned from there for posting a snapshot of Ned Beatty from the movie Deliverance. I believe he was banned for purely political reasons. Thats one more reason to consider supporting the Free Press effort.

So what's next? I dunno. I had thought that I would continue the newsletter on a monthly basis. I have decided against that. I have a blog that I have kept hidden for almost a year. I plan to clean it up a fuzz and make it public once again. Other than that, for the time being I will hide in the tall weeds and wait for the next injustice to rear it's ugly head. I fancy myself a charter member of a Paunchy Superhero's Justice League. I better go ahead and order that Soloflex.

Buckwheat... OUT.

Scraps from my Table: Smith Eyes A Moon Shot

kpaul.mallasch — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 15:06:43 -0700

By "Mayor Buckwheat"

[editor's note, by kpaul] This is an excerpt (reprinted with permission) of a newsletter by "Mayor Buck Wheat" (a member of the Herald Bulletin forums) concerning Anderson, Indiana (aka Andersonia) Archives are available at the blog. The views expressed in the newsletter do not necessarily reflect the views of Anderson Free Press.

Centaur to build Andersonia Convention Center/Casino

Last Tuesday, Centaur Racing CEO Jeff Smith and Hoosier Park President Rick Moore announced the addition of a 90,000 square-foot casino facility to Hoosier Park. "We figured Andersonia needed just one more vice;" said Moore. "we couldn't legally build a meth lab so we figured this was the next best thing!"

Acting Mayor Kevin Smith was so happy he could spit, and did so multiple times during the announcement into a Styrofoam cup with a paper towel in the bottom. "Heck, I figured we'd let Centaur build this and we'll just take it over when they build the really big place south of the airport. Ahem...proposed airport. It really is a win/win/win."

Rescue Efforts Continue

City of Andersonia workers were still working feverishly Monday night to free Andersonia Economic Development Consultant Greg Winkler from an apparent accident at the Andersonia Money Mines. "There was some sort of a shift down there and everything just kinda collapsed," said Fire Chief Phil Rogers.

Witnesses on site stated Winkler had worked in the "money pit" for some time, though none really seemed to know what his job there was. Tony Yogway, one of the many workers attempting to free Winkler, stated, "I seen Wink working long hours down here, usually leaving the mine with barrels of money." When contacted for a comment Acting Mayor Kevin Smith said, "We've been digging for some time, and I think this makes it clear how important Winkler is to our organization thingie. Even if I'm not really sure what he does for, or with that money, I'm sure its a win/win." Phone calls to Democrat members of the Andersonia City Council were not returned.

Smith Eyes A Moon Shot

When Acting Mayor Kevin Smith isn't pondering the annexation of lesser Madison County, you just might catch him daydreaming about his employment future. Sources close to the Acting Mayor are speculating that he is considering a stellar new career at NASA as an astronaut in training and planet annexing guy.

Smith said, "That moon place is known to be made of cheese and I like cheese and Mo Long tells me that at even 10 cents a pound (which if you go to Kroger is a low estimate) there is enough profit there to fund astronomer consultants to lay claims to planets so distant that scientist consultants don't know if they're made of cheese or possibly even more valuable stuff. Yeah, I wanna be that guy."

RATS to Invade Wal-Mart

On Friday, Acting Mayor Kevin Smith hinted at a "major announcement about public transportation that will benefit Andersonia". Late Monday evening he unveiled those plans in the Wal-Mart parking lot.

The new Rail of Andersonia Transit System, or RATS, will service the Wal-Mart parking lot with a high speed monorail. "We noticed people had a real problem navigating Andersonia's largest parking lot. So Wink was able to sell me on this monorail thingie". RATS will service the parking lot and price drop zones. Riders who proceed through the checkout will receive change on transactions in the form of gaming tokens to be used at the new Andersonia Convention Center/Casino. Smith reiterated his pleasure at the city's new focus on all things touristy, "I just love showing them fellers at the Convention Bureau what a little outside the box thinking can do for a community. The wins just keep on coming!"

Maplewood Cemetery To Stay

According to Acting Mayor Smith, "Essential to a vibrant community's life are its places of eternal rest." Smith made this profound statement at the groundbreaking of Maplewood's new administrative building.

Smith continued, "when the owners of the cemetery announced that they were considering moving their graveyard to a neighboring state, my economic development team rolled up their sleeves and went to work to devise a plan to keep the cemetery here. I put together a kickin' incentive program with an innovative 'shovel ready' designation and one of those TIF thingies. This incentive package simply cremated our competitors. It's all a part of my new business retention plan that BW told me about. This is one business that won't be leaving Andersonia any time soon!"

Natural Resource Grab

Inspired by the recent Russian claim of the Arctic sea floor, Acting Mayor Kevin Smith has built a submersible capable of diving "several feet". Backed by Chinese technology that he picked up last year for the price of a Wonka Bar and a can of chew, Smith built his submarine at a secret "sub pen" on White River.

In the most agressive economic development maneuver of his administration, Smith plans to stake claim on the floor of Pendletonia's Pine Lakes Camp Grounds. "There's a real wealth of catfish in them lakes",said Smith, "When the dead catfish are done decompositioning there will be vast resources of oil or something. My administration intends to Continue the Progress even to the depths of Pine Lake! This could be our biggest win/win ever!"

Letters to Buckwheat

BW, My car broke down. Can you drive me to Keg and Bottle and Hoosier Girls? K.S. Andersonia

Buckwheat, Do you still have my beer bong? We're thinking of having another shin-dig and I'll be needing it. K.O. Andersonia.

The views expressed in this newsletter do not necessarily reflect those of the Smith Administration... but are pretty damn close. Please feel free to forward this letter to anyone that may be interested. I can be reached at Waynelafear@yahoo.com. Mr. Lafear will make certain that I get your message. Any and all mail directed my way will be held in the strictest confidence. Until next week.......BW OVER AND OUT!